Things Not To Say To Stay-At-Home Dads


“Can you change a nappy?”
“Couldn’t you get a real job?” “Oh, is it daddy day-care today?” “It’s so sweet to see
a father with his kids.” Thank you! “Can you change a nappy?”
I thought they did it themselves. Don’t they do it themselves? Oh, so
that’s why the flies keep coming! We hired someone to do that for us.
Did you? Yeah. I just let my kids just run around with poo in their nappies
the whole time. I feel like
they’re saying to you, “You’re going to drop it, you’re
going to put in the wrong bin. “You’re going to mess it all up. “Because you’re a dad,
you shouldn’t be doing that stuff.” 0181-DIAPER. Yeah, it’s happened again… Yeah, I might have changed about
5,000… Yeah. ..in my lifetime? I’ve got twins. I can do
two at a time. Close my eyes. I could probably do it upside down, underwater, blindfolded now,
I think! Some people told me
it’s bonding time with them and I thought to myself,
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Yeah, I dunno, especially
when they’ve done a stinker. That’s not bonding!
I’m not sure about bonding time. “On baby-sitting duties, then?” Baby-sitters get paid. I’m not 16,
out to get some extra cash. Yeah, daddy day-care
has lasted 15 months so far. So, clearly, I didn’t read
the contract, did I? There is normally always a comment
at check-out about, “Where’s Mum?” “Where’s your mum today?
What’s Mummy up to? “Oh, you’ve got Daddy today,
have you?” It’s the language
that some dads speak, as well. “Oh, I’m on baby-sitting duties
tonight. “Oh, I’m on daddy duty tonight.” It’s like,
you’re looking after your child! “So, who wears the trousers?” What they’re implying there
is that the person that goes out and makes the money wears
the trousers in the relationship. It’s not like 1973 where, you know,
it’s all about the dad wearing the trousers and being
the one who brings home the money, the one who disciplines
the children. You can’t do that today.
I can’t go and tell my missus, “You’re doing this,
you’re doing that.” She’ll be looking me like,
“Have you lost the plot?” I think people still
expect you to, as the man, to be the person that goes out,
earns the money and comes home. There is actually nothing wrong
with the guy wanting to stay at home and the woman working. There was recently a thing
with Piers bloody Morgan shouting off about dads
carrying their babies in slings and how that’s kind of emasculating. If walking around with a baby
strapped to you is emasculating, then we’re living in a bad time. “A child needs their mother.” The mum has always been
seen as that nurturing, soft… Main carer, kind of… ..main carer. The mums give the child
the bath or feed them or… Like, sing them lullabies.
I can sing. It’s a bit husky, I might miss a few notes,
but I can sing, as well. Obviously,
being in a gay relationship, and there being two dads
in this family, we’ve sort of had that question
asked, “So, which one’s the mum?” You know, that sort of thing.
And it’s like, “There isn’t one.” We don’t have
a mother in our family. But what we do have is
loads of really strong, powerful, influential women. And, I think, I want my kids
to be around all of those people, not necessarily male, female. Just really, strong, strong
supportive, loving people. “Couldn’t you get a real job?” They don’t seem to understand
that maybe we HAD a real job and we had to leave it.
It was the most natural thing ever. It didn’t matter that I was a man,
it didn’t matter that, you know, my wife was the one going
out and earning more money than me. Who cares? Am I supposed to just like, spend
hundreds of thousands of pounds that I don’t have letting
someone else raise my baby and then go to work all day
and then just come home when she’s asleep
and never see her? We don’t need that traditional job
where you’re going out 9-5 and then seeing the kids
just to tuck them into bed and read them a story,
if you’re lucky. It doesn’t mean that I can’t work. I just don’t
do your traditional 9-5. I’ve chosen the online route. When she gets older, she’ll realise
that, yeah, Daddy was around, rather than, “All
I saw was Daddy go to work.” I kind of get
the best of both that way. Yeah, it’s the dream scenario,
really. I used to go
and sit at a desk all day, but now I play in the park and play
on the scooters and kick footballs. And how are you finding that?
I like it! “Sorry, mums only!” Oh, outrageous! So, there’ll be
like a toddler group, and it’ll be like, Mums And Music. Obviously, it’s a play on words,
but what about Dads And Music? It’s a very alien world.
It’s a very difficult world. It’s… Especially when you just
see pictures of the women, and it’s just “mums only”. Have you had the whole
changing-room experience? Yeah. It is my biggest, biggest, bugbear. Baby-changing tables, 99% of the time, are in the mums’,
in the women’s loos. Yeah. You feel like you’re not allowed to
go into these rooms, because it’s so mummy-fied
and it’s so woman-fied. The women will be looking at you
going, “Oh, you can’t come in, “can you go and get the mum.” Going into coffee shops and things
like that, you just walk in and it’s like, mums with buggies
everywhere and you’re the only dad. They’ll get their phone out,
“999, there’s a guy with a baby. “I’m not too sure
if it’s his or not. “I think you might want to
check it out.” Seriously! “He’s FEEDING it!” “You must be so bored.” I don’t know if
people think you’re bored because you’re sat at home
having to watch CBeebies all day? Yeah. Is that? But you’re not.
You’re not. I don’t think I’ve been bored
in five years. I’m not even sure
what it feels like any more. I’d quite like to be bored. Like, you’re bored of your child? It’s not like
a flipping Sega Mega Drive, It’s like, “Oh, we have
the PS4 now.” Bored! She starts crying in the corner
and you go, “Boring!” I was there when
she started walking. Oh, nice. So, rather than having to hear
about it or having to see a video, I was there witnessing
when she was getting up, maybe taking one or two steps,
and then falling on her bum. Even though she’s 15 months,
it sounds weird, but she is, like, my best friend. Now she’s walking
and she’ll come up to me and sort of put her head against
mine now and give me a kiss. And there’s nothing –
I’m almost 38 now – in all my life,
I’ve never felt that before. And you get to be outside,
you’re seeing them learn new things. They’re laughing, they will show
you something new every day. Go to the park, eat ice creams, play football, go on scooters. Watch Netflix while they sleep. It’s boring. Oh, man… Someone said,
“How would you breast-feed?” I’m just like, “I don’t!” So, what I do is I just…
“Go on, baby, eat it.” “Yeah, go on. You can have some. “Nothing’s coming out? “Oh, what now?” Dial 1.
LAUGHTER

10 Replies to “Things Not To Say To Stay-At-Home Dads

  1. I have been working on remote jobs to stay at home and take care of my kids, because I didn't want to miss the first part of their life.

  2. My gf currently makes more than me. If we have a baby (after marriage) I would probably stay at home. Im not proud of that as a natural responsibility of a man, but know it makes the most sense economically. I defenitly won't be proud of it, like these poofs are.

  3. "You must be so bored"
    "Yes I am" -literally no parent ever

    also, I'd imagine a full time desk job is 100x more boring than raising children, have had no experience in either but I'd pick parenting over monotonous crap any day

  4. People need to let go of gender roles. Let the dudes chill at home and be dads with their kids! The ladys can bring home the bacon too. Seriously, men can be comforting and loving fathers who do house work or just not do “masculine” thing. Not just working and sports.

  5. father: *stays at home to take care of kids for y e a r s
    random arse person: can you change a n a p p y… cause ya know you definitely haven’t done that for y e a r s

  6. Kids in primary school used to be so confused when my dad used to help at school while everyone else’s mums were there

    Some kids didn’t think I HAD a mum!

  7. It's quite sad that people are sexist and judgemental towards fathers like this. For crying out loud, at least they're ACTUALLY in their kids lives. People seem to forget just how damaging an absent parent is towards the child.

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